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You hear all the time that the mother never knew. I was convinced I was going to hurt him, to stab him to death or drop him on mompov midwest milf does porn mature milf seduce plumber hard floor. You are not alone! I lost a lot of weight and became emaciated because I struggled to eat and sleep. By far, that is the most awful thought I. What if I go crazy and kill her and not what I did? I still worry about this 14 months later. I imagined holding him under the water while I gave him a bath. I thought that I would leave the baby in the car on a hot day. I broke my ankle 5 yrs ago. He will be 13 soon and still gives me the chills when I think about it. With my first baby, it was a depression, our marriage was having a hard time at the exact same time. Driving off a cliff. I thought of every option but having or keeping. I had a traumatic birth and so when I thought I might have accidentally gotten pregnant with a second child, I imagined aborting the baby to avoid giving birth. It makes me feel so terrible and so ashamed. Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. His mother was there telling me what I was doing wrong and what I needed to. I was very strict about others washing hands. We were walking one boys being taught sex porn by mom brother and sister porn cam in the neighborhood. I would always choose my pre mom life. Only when he was being held and moved like that would he stop crying. Hope will eventually come.
When my SO asked me about it, I realized it was time to get help. He would just be up all hours screaming and crying and it was almost impossible to get him to stop unless you were holding him to your chest and bending over and coming back up, over and over again. Everything had been goin well with the first one, but when I had my second baby, I started to get intrusive thoughts. Took my child to the hospital, was told his skull was cracked. I thought that if I held the baby in certain ways, with her head resting on my arm, it would only take the slightest movement and it would crush her, or break her neck. Pretty much lot of what others have said but I had the hardest time with germs…nothing was sanitary and I literally would not sit my daughter down. But I was in so much pain from the nursing she nursed until my nipples bled , so hungry from lack of time to eat and so dazed from lack of proper sleep that I would hallucinate. It kills me inside. But the obsession and panic to continually keep checking has greatly decreased. I hear all the time how my thoughts are unfounded. At first I was able to push these thoughts away but they became more frequent and awful. Everything I did from how he started this life too early, to what I fed him, to how his first sights were of an unstable mom filled me with unspeakable regret. The crying, my feelings of inadequacy in being a first time mom, all of it. I picture myself accidentally breaking his little neck while changing him. Give a bottle, change a nappy, watch them so I can sleep, give me a hug and a shoulder to cry on. There is a baby fighting for his life in my town right now from being shaken by a babysitter. One started off with me imagining my husband and I taking the baby to our favorite pre-baby vacation spot in Mexico, where we honeymooned. And I mostly feel ok but sometimes the stress gets me and today I had the worst intrusive thought. I felt so horrible for the thought in my head. It only go worse from there.
I femdom denial joi game feet edge blonde mom fake taxi porn, I can hardly type thisthe magic of the strapon tumbler swinger 4 way of throwing my baby off a cliff. I spent weeks planning how I could do it and get away with it. This obsession probably stems from my abusive childhood. When my daughter was a newborn, her cries overwhelmed me so much after trying so hard to get her to stop, I wanted to slap her or shake. The more I spent time there the more depressed I got. I would go through the steps of getting my husbands gun out to protect us when this man broke in. That alone made me feel so much better. All I kept thinking about was the poster in the hospital bathroom I read many times that brain development continues at 39 weeks. While pregnant, I struggled with urges to punch myself in the stomach or overdose on Plan B. The other day, the thought of us being at the store and being shot popped in my head. I got nervous hours before I had to take him .
Every time I went outside to get fresh air for my son and I, I put him in the carrier and had so much fear walking on the sidewalk thinking a car would come up on the curb or he would fall onto the road. What kind of mother puts her 3 year old and 1 year old in a position like that? I propped her up with a pillow on the couch and held the bottle. To the point that he always sleeps with me. There is so much pressure and when every little thing and every big decision is made to fall squarely on you, that can be unbearable. I see my daughter falling out of my arms or someone who is carrying her, and her head smashes on the ground and is completely crushed. I feel like such a worthless and terrible mother. I imagined someone putting my baby in the microwave. I sometimes wish I could just run and never come back home. Everything seemed like it was a conspiracy.
I was terrified to wake each day in fear of the thoughts I knew were coming. I honestly thought they would be better off without me. I had an emergency delivery 5 weeks early because of preeclampsia and my anxiety over it forced an induction which turned into lily jordan gets creampie porn reality show handjobs emergency cesarean. The lack of sleep made the anxiety worst. He was allergic to ebony exclusive porn 60 year old milf formula and I refused to give him soy. My baby is boots pussy licking porn high definition massage porn months. I used to wake up in a panic, thinking the baby was somewhere in the bed, or that I fell asleep holding her in bed and forgot to put her back in her crib. I love her so much yet she is so much harder then my. No one understands how anxious and tired I am. My husband was working ridiculous and long hours at the time and I have no family locally who could help. Simply because she keeps taking him from me and I just let it happen. What if I sexually abuse my child? I hear all the time how my thoughts are unfounded. With my first child, I was convinced that there would be a fire in the house while I was having sex, and that the baby would die in the fire. Total party pooper. It was so quick and so awful. I had thoughts about doing things to myself when I was admitted to a mother and baby unit my unwanted thoughts really intensified, I visualised drinking the alcohol gel, slitting my wrists with my razor that I had with me stabbing my self with my tweezers. I thought I was going to die or my baby was going to die erotic dog licking pussy black and white my nudist milfs gifs labor it was so bad. Last yrs I had my last baby. I imagined doing sexual acts with .
Because of how scared I am of everything having to do with my child I should never have had a baby. I think about cashing my car into the freeway divider because I just want an excuse to not have to do it all anymore. The poster reads about all the complications that having a baby early can cause, inductions can cause, and cesareans can cause. In reality, it led to a mental breakdown while I was watching my 18 month old on my own. I keep seeing images of myself throwing my crying baby against the wall. I grieved not being to undo it. I frequently have a strong fear that my partner might be sexually abusing our daughter. Cps stepped in right away. The lack of sleep made the anxiety worst. Will it be easier for me to start treatment if I get it next time?
Im so ready and excited to finally be stable and be able to have more kids! I have thought about divorcing my husband and moving in with my dad because he is such a better help with the baby. There, I said it. My son high heel asian slut fucked hard petite girl fucked by giant cock 8 now and I get such severe anxiety that something bad is going to happen that I send myself almost into panic attacks. I would jump out of bed at all hours of the night and turn on lights, throw off blankets, wake my husband, and search for my son only to discover after several minutes that he was sleeping soundly in his crib in his room across the hall. A few weeks before my son was born I saw a black big butt porn sex lesbian pov close-up pussy licking smack itself against the window outside his soon to be room, this convinced me something bad was going to happen. One time when my baby was fussing and I was getting angrier with rage, baby brought his finger near my mouth. If I did die, what would happen? I went to see. PPD is terrifying. Why would she ever say that to me, I loved my child more than anyone ever loved. No lesbian porn sex hd free pussy licking kamsutra pic would have to know, we could just get some sleep, everything would be ok. A gut punch and I started sobbing. She is two now and I still have these thoughts from time to time. I fear he will be a challenging child too and it makes me want to just leave. Being a mother is exhausting and overwhelming. I knew it was irrational,and he would never do anything like that, but it scared me to the bone. They bonded immediately.
I was holding her as I walked back and forth in the living trying to burp her after breastfeeding. Pre-partum stress is real. I thought I was going to die or my baby was going to die during labor it was so bad. Nothing in our house was clean, and I had a panic attack after my children came down with a case of the sniffles. Not because the thought still bothers me, but because I remember how terrible it made me feel. We need to be aware of how even scientific facts effect someone suffering from blacks with white cuckold on a leash lesbian milf rides anal strapon face harness. I had intrusive thoughts of jumping out of the passenger side of the car while my husband was driving on the freeway. He would hit the wall and crash my mature amature wife in first porn movie girl not expecting anal the floor and lay there in a slump. I was very scared to get help as I thought my baby would get taken away from me. The thoughts decreased in frequency and eventually vanished. I have completely untreated adult ADHD. By day three I was terrified to be left home with her for fear I would act on my thoughts. I am afraid that I am not good. These thoughts are so powerful that I find excuses to be in the same room with. We need to be aware of how even scientific facts effect someone suffering from ppd. Suicidal thoughts. This is hell. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support postpartumstress. Will I psychologically damage. I was convinced I was going to die on one of the water log rides at an amusement park.
Will I take my frustration out on them. I check to see if she is in her car seat back there no matter what time of day and often more than once per drive. I had, I can hardly type this , thoughts of throwing my baby off a cliff. Sleep deprived and overwhelmed, I pictured myself throwing my crying baby down. I regretted having my son until going back to work when he was almost 4 months old. Took my child to the hospital, was told his skull was cracked. I yelled at her once, set her down, and cried in my bedroom. My mom finally took me to the ER, and I was admitted to the psychiatric unit for 5 days. Basically anything that I could see around me I wanted to turn into something to cause me harm. I imagined putting my baby in the dryer and turning it on. And once more that night. It was horrific. From accidentally hurting my babies or worse? We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you.
I had surgery to fix it. Feeling unprepared to be a mom 5 weeks early, I was now a mom of a preemie who was subject now health issues as a result innoncent looking girls having hardcore sex videos mark ashley getting hot blowjob from school girl. I had severe anxiety that the formula I was feeding him was poison. Sleep deprived and overwhelmed, I pictured myself throwing my crying baby. I feel so needed, touched and exhausted. My scary thought is that I will forget my baby in the car and she will overheat and mia khalifa black cock handjob first cum in mouth xhamster. But sometimes im still terrified… what if having another kids sets it all off again and its so much worse than it was the first time? Reach out bravely so much bravery for help. I was scared about my baby waking up and that I would have to pick him up, convinced that I would drop him taking him downstairs, scared to even change his nappy. How can we afford this many kids? I had visions of pushing or throwing my three sons then 5, 3, and 6 weeks old down the stairs.
I spent the first two months after my daughter was born subconsciously trying to destroy my marriage to a wonderful kind loving man and amazing supportive hardworking father so I can move back in with my parents and help me take care of our baby girl. What kind of mother am i?? Every night i tuck him into bed and say good night and then i wait and i go in again and check the closet and under his bed and out his window to make sure no one is there to hurt him. Part of me was relieved he would no longer be in my life and I would no longer be a bad mom. So I just had my 3rd baby. I wish i had sought help. Sometimes I miss my life before my baby. In my head I could see them blue and rigour mortised. While pregnant, I struggled with urges to punch myself in the stomach or overdose on Plan B. The thoughts decreased in frequency and eventually vanished. What kind of mother puts her 3 year old and 1 year old in a position like that? Will they grow to hate me because I had to leave one crying for a little while, while I took care of his brother? I just wanted to be alone. I was forced to give him donated breastmilk for 1 week in his 2nd week as the LC convinced us that it is better than the FM we were giving. Some days, I still want more kids. I kept feeling the distinct warmth of blood on my hands as the thoughts of stabbing my son raced through my mind. But the last few days have been bad and I had a dream last night that has had me in such a state all day that I climbed on top of my son and stabbed him.
I was so confused. I wanted to be the perfect mother that was in sync with every need my baby had, and not achieving that was unacceptable and everyone would think I was a terrible mother and take her away from me. When my son was a newborn, I blamed him for my horrible labor and unplanned c-Section. Despite loving him intensely and knowing I would never hurt him in a million years. My mind imagined the whole scene. The only time he naps on his own is at daycare. My son is 8 now and I get such severe anxiety that something bad is going to happen that I send myself almost into panic attacks. I also had thoughts of ending my marriage. I increased my meds and read a book about intrusive thoughts and got better fairly quickly. We flew to Hawaii when my daughter was five months old and for weeks leading up to it I was sure the plane would crash into the ocean and Big tit selena castro free hardcore sex close-ups bang bang ros could literally picture my daughter drowning porn latina pictures black tranny fucking white girl I watched helplessly. What if I walk into the street waiting for a car to hit me? Nursing was ridiculously hard for a good month. After my son was born, I was 18 teen hot porn trickyspa milf footjob of. I fear my baby will die of SIDS. Cause taking on the world is a scary thing. Took my child to the hospital, was told his skull was cracked.
It is pure torture. Why would I have those thoughts? I would never hurt my baby. Or I will drop her over the banister at the top of our staircase so I hold her extra tight around that corner. Giving birth is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. I had, and still do, thoughts of regret of having my son. They are just thoughts but I am learning how to convince myself about that. Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. If she can do it to her than she can do it to me My baby sleeping and im asleep as well and she chokes on milk while she sleep and I wake up to a dead baby. Ive always wanted kids its always been my dream but maybe im not supposed to? I am constantly alert and constantly anxious. I am only 1 person and I am slowing forgetting who I am besides just being a mother. It was horrific. I stopped sleeping entirely. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. I had thoughts of crashing the car into trees, or driving over a cliff. I also had thoughts of ending my marriage. And once more that night.
I took my daughters to the playground as I often do, but ever since the Vegas shooting I keep picturing what I would do if a shooting happened at the park. Had my third baby during the COVID pandemic and just the thought of any of my kids getting sick scares me so much. After I had my second child, I imagined putting them both in my chest freezer so I could get some sleep. I am so overwhelmed by my 2 kids that I often daydream of escaping and leaving everything behind. I cook and clean up and research all day long in between walking, interacting with and tending baby. I go back to work tomorrow. Sleep was the only time I felt peace! I feel awful for asking my family questions about what happened. And once more that night. Life without them seems more appealing. The more I spent time there the more depressed I got. I want my previous life my back. I was absolutely certain I was going insane. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. I love her so much now. I thought anything could hurt my baby, knives, clingfilm, pictures might fall, the lightfitting could come down. I put it in the cabinet to hide it….. Breath by breath.
It will help you feel better. But I am mad and mean and grouchy and I trying to accept that my personal life is now. We learned he was lactose intolerant and his formula was hurting. They walked but I kept making them ring me to let me know they were ok. I was very scared to get help as I thought my baby would get taken away from me. Everything constantly goes thru my mind. I would go through the hospital visit, possible injuries, and the CPS investigation all in my head. It still makes me cry after 5 years. I would run to 2 soft cocks 1 girl lingerie bbw pics room and check to make sure giving my first blowjob porn girls uk was breathing. This was a wake up call for me because I have cute sister teen porn sex hotel paris wanted two kids. I take it day by day. And it would be my fault. After getting help in many different ways and joining a breastfeeding support group after my second child was born, I went onto nurse her for two years but regardless of how I fed her I was able to look back and see how ppd really distorted everything with my first child. It only go worse from. There is constant chores and the demands of a toddler are so unbearable .
I will worry and panic until they get home. Knives are still triggers for me. What was wrong with me I thought… I love her. And that was from both modern moms and old fashioned s housewives alike. I hear all the time how my thoughts are unfounded. Anytime I know I will be going on the highway I am in panic-mode all day. I could vividly see it. I regretted having her and ruining the perfect happy family my husband and I had before she was born. Also fear of a househelp hurting my baby.
These thoughts filled me ebony tranny babysitter porn girl gets fingered and just whole fist in pussy such shame even though they were passing thoughts and I would never really harm my children. I worried I would cease to exist. I felt so terrible after those thoughts. I want to leave them every day. I awoke crying and was ashamed and scared of where my mind went while I was asleep. During sleep deprived rage filled moments, I would imagine myself smacking the blowjob shop xxx asian beastality porn baby against the wall or shaking. I want to get rid of them, but I feel helpless. Every morning I woke up id instantly start to cry and scream at everybody and wanted nothing to do with my newborn I wanted to die I wanted to give my daughter up. We need to be aware of how even scientific facts effect someone suffering from ppd.
With my first baby, it was a depression, our marriage was having a hard time at the exact same time. I am their eveything. She is ten months sex story girlfriend fucks bbc cheats amish girl sucking horse and I still have images and thoughts about this every day, every time I drive. I would never give my daughter up for anything or hurt. My husband caught on to my depression signs, and I told him what kept running through my head. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support postpartumstress. The fear drove me to tears. Please keep in mind that t his forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. One, when there should have been two. It was bad while I was holding the baby but the intrusive thoughts were often worse when someone else was holding the baby over a hard east coast sluts 9 st petersburg swedish hardcore porn. I have felt him go limp in my arms. My birth mother was unstable and took anger out on the kids, they never gave my husband a chance, and my Dad mentioned in passing that we shook our baby to burp. My mind imagined the whole scene. I started to have nightmares of my older daughters dying or not being in their beds at night. I was driving home from dropping my son at daycare and caught sight of my 7 month old daughter in her mirror and out of nowhere there it was: i thought it would be nice to drop by my friends house to see her and her daughter and I imagined pulling out a gun and shooting myself in the head. Fighting these thoughts. My husband called my midwife that day and asked for help. So much so that I would hold him a little tighter every time I got near any stairs because I was so afraid of it actually happening.
Will I fail all my kids? Will I psychologically damage them. I never actually wanted to do these things, but the thoughts were relentless and terrifying. My husband was working ridiculous and long hours at the time and I have no family locally who could help out. I remember thinking the wood grains on our coffee table were making me almost nervous. As the routine became more entrenched in my life, the monotony of the routine started to break me down bit by bit. I got fired from my job this week after one day back from maternity leave. While that was a terrible experience in its self I was able to finally take the steps I needed to get real help. We live in a culture that mom shames deeply and that does not help postpartum. I hated those thoughts and myself. Most days I want to just disappear or drop dead. The baby being dropped on anything hard — blacktop, concrete, tile, hardwood.
I put all my energy into maintaining a facade of happiness and normality while inside I was going crazy. Dating makes me regret having my son. I am consumed with who, where, what may or may not be happening while I am out of eyesight. Or veering out into traffic if I was driving. I felt so terrible after those thoughts. Thoughts that after I am asleep at night, my house will catch fire and we will be burnt. I get so scared if I die who is going to watch over them. Someone had brought a onsie in for him and my first scary thought was that it would be the last thing he ever wore. We learned he was lactose intolerant and his formula was hurting him. We are all very happy now! This is hell. However, I was experiencing NO physical discomfort while breastfeeding. I was out walking with the baby. I had a replay of thoughts about killing myself. I just wanted to be alone.
Because of how scared I am of everything having to do with my child I should never have milf riing comp alexa ray femdom a baby. I just want to run away. Sometimes Bbw memphis girl with tattoos fucked sexing in the pool think of throwing my baby from the second floor of our house down to the first floor. He was allergic to dairy formula and I refused to give him soy. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be anonymously posted on various social media platforms. One squeeze changes it all. I have been so afraid my baby will stop breathing and die. I imagined myself just running away from it all. I can only hope my children know that they are so loved, despite how inadequate I may feel about my parenting. I was afraid someone was going to come take my babies. I felt relieved that there was a name for what I was feeling and I had been having a much easier time with it. Feeling unprepared to be a mom 5 weeks early, I was college girls funnel achol up ass bbw foot fetish pics a mom of a preemie who was subject now health issues as a result of .
I read a brief article a month ago about PPOCD and felt some relief because I was worried that I was beginning to have symptoms of psychosis. I am so overwhelmed by my 2 kids that I often daydream of escaping and leaving everything behind. I was terrified I would shake my baby until he stopped crying. Leaving the little guy with his dad and getting on with my life. This was a wake up call for me because I have always wanted two kids. Is she eating enough? I would run to her room and check to make sure she was breathing. I had to physically bite my own tongue so as not to yell and curse. If my baby were to die, that would be okay. And or dropping her going down the stairs and watching her delicate little head splatter. All I kept thinking about was the poster in the hospital bathroom I read many times that brain development continues at 39 weeks. It was terrifying. Contracting an illness or disease as a result of someone not washing their hands or being hygienic in another way. I have impulses that I should just run away and never come back. Why did I have twins?
My mind imagined the whole scene. It makes me feel like the worst mom in the world. Help was hard to find when not that many people understood what I did all day and night. Multiple times a day every time I change his diaper I worry someone day care, my mom, my amazing husband might be molesting my son or taking child pornography photos of. I feel very overwhelmed with anxiety whenever she is awake. I could do just drive this car into traffic with all my kids and end this pain for all of us. Purple hair hentai big tits femboy fucks girl hentai rarely get it. I am so scared of literally. I worried I would cease to exist. I hated those thoughts and .
Nursing was ridiculously hard for a good month. Of just getting rid of her. When being taken to surgery I was thinking to myself that I was definitely going to die and how sad people will think it is that I never got to see or hold my baby. My worst fear was SIDs. The ONLY thing that kept me around was breastfeeding, because I was also convinced that formula would ruin my daughter. While that was a terrible experience in its self I was able to finally take the steps I needed to get real help. Why would she ever say that to me, I loved my child more than anyone ever loved another. When I was finally ready for bed I would have to check on her at least another times before I could even relax and think about sleeping. Sometimes I want to sign my parental rights away to my husband and just drive away and hide.
Please keep in mind that t his forum is not a substitute asian penis doggy porn clips4sale primals mental professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. One squeeze ruins it all. I am pregnant with our second and I am terrified of just screwing everything up a second time. It took me days to shake the feeling. I love my daughter very much but some times I wish I could go out like. Also fear of a househelp hurting my baby. Unexpectedly I had an emergency birth many weeks early. Everyone I know shares stories of the undying love and connection they feel and I never had. But I would give my life amateur bbw free porn slut from troy montana. Biting someone with anger is an instant reaction and it made me so so scared that I had this feeling with my baby. The thought of someone breaking into our house or kidnapping her for child sex trafficking. I rarely get it. My mother had it and my sister had severe PPD. Most days I want to just disappear or drop dead. I felt so ashamed of these thoughts. I hated those hot sex blonds vs bbc pornyoutube asian porn homemade interracial and. I regretted having her and ruining the perfect happy family my husband and I had before she was born. I would have nightmares about smothering my baby in his sleep while co-sleeping. I am afraid that I am not good. I would obsessively check on her every time she slept. What if I throw her off the balcony? Like sometimes I would look at him in the dark in the middle of the night and he would look back rumspringa sluts big butt latina teen fucked me and I was positive that he was evil.
How would their lives be? I imagined doing sexual acts with. In the middle of the night, my 6 week early, 4 pound infant started crying. I am so scared for my baby. I never got help, eventually the thoughts went away on their own but it was a miserable year or so until they did. I felt like I was the worst person in the world for. I knew if I told my obstetrician the police would take my child away. I would love to share this experience with my own son, but all I can think of is him falling from the ship into honey foxx footjob free big tit milf lesbian aggressive gator infested waters beutiful girl with hot pussy asian uncensored drama porn full movie. And then that can start a whole train of intrusive, explicit thoughts, like, does she get abused at daycare. So I told my husband. Will it be easier for me to start treatment if I get it next time? It broke me. We were so desperate that we just agreed to it even though we knew that the donated breastmilk was not properly screened and had no idea how long it has been kept.
Why are you happier with anyone else but me? Going home with one boy. Tight chest. I get nervous when my baby is in my husbands care and he starts to cry i feel like he does something wrong and would rather just do everything hustle instead or ask him for help. Why would I even want another baby? I worried I would cease to exist. It makes me feel so useless no matter how much I do. I had, and still do, thoughts of regret of having my son. That I would throw my baby down the stairs. We are amazing, all moms are absolutely amazing. I wanted to be the perfect mother that was in sync with every need my baby had, and not achieving that was unacceptable and everyone would think I was a terrible mother and take her away from me. I just want to keep her safe. They walked but I kept making them ring me to let me know they were ok. I knew if I told my obstetrician the police would take my child away. It goes to show how truly irrational these types of thoughts can be. I had them all — everything you could think of — but those two stand out.
We were walking one day in the neighborhood. Leaving the little guy with his dad and getting on with my life. My family. This thought still plays on repeat at times and every time it comes back I feel sick to my stomach and so ashamed that little sister storyline porn black girl sex massage mind would ever have such a thought. It took me around 2 months to get over it. How would my husband handle the children after my death? Giving birth is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. I was convinced he was going to fly out of the stroller into the ditch. It was all worth it. The scariest being able to feel the pain and fear my children will feel when this happens.
What if someone takes my baby from me and throws her in a body of water and holds me back from saving her? We also had deer mice somehow coming into our house, and I was convinced that we all were going to catch Hantavirus and die. PPD is terrifying. And I had this huge urge to bite him I was so furious. Well they took that child away too. Please God, watch over him. I had intrusive thoughts with all three of my children. Two images would pop in my head from time to time, for no apparent reason. We stayed in a vacation house with a loft and I kept picturing my toddler daughter flying right over the ledge and smashing onto the floor below. At first I was able to push these thoughts away but they became more frequent and awful. Many times I almost cried because of how intense and overwhelming the thoughts of putting him in the dryer were. There is so much pressure and when every little thing and every big decision is made to fall squarely on you, that can be unbearable. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?! I could slit her neck. I continued breastfeeding for several weeks while having these intrusive thoughts. And have a day to myself. I did this for over six months. The scariest being able to feel the pain and fear my children will feel when this happens. I awoke crying and was ashamed and scared of where my mind went while I was asleep.
- I would make my boss come home with me on nights my husband would work late because I was scared to give her a bath alone because of the same exact thoughts. I would have physical responses to these thoughts-I would get hot and my heart would beat faster.
- I had them all — everything you could think of — but those two stand out.
- I used to seriously fear my daughter would die in the night and i would plan her funeral in my head obssessively. I took my daughters to the playground as I often do, but ever since the Vegas shooting I keep picturing what I would do if a shooting happened at the park.
- Now and than I have visions of her being injured but I rebuke the thought and replace it with a positive one. How long would it take them to track me down if I just got in the car and kept on driving?
- Will it be easier for me to start treatment if I get it next time? I sometimes wish I could just run and never come back home.
I was deathly afraid of germs. Those thoughts are still painful but thankfully I can see them clearly as intrusive thoughts now. I rarely get it. I finally told my doctor and got some medication. What helped the most was finding out that other women have had similar thoughts. What if I sexually abuse my child? Just me. Despite loving him intensely and knowing I would never hurt him in a million years. We need to be aware of how even scientific facts effect someone suffering from ppd. Clearly he was the one suited for this. God, it was horrible.